Wait! Do I Use Food As A Reward?

I used food as a reward, until I realized that my attitude towards food was essential to my health.

As a child when we had to do something unpleasant like having shots at the doctor’s office, we were rewarded with food. Dessert after dinner was a reward for eating my mother’s cooking. But let’s be gentle on mom’s endless nights of Hamburger Helper. I grew up to be as good a cook as my mother.

As an adult, I rewarded myself with ice cream.

Starting in college, if I did a good job studying, I would buy myself ice cream.

If I did a bad job studying, I ate ice cream.

If I wanted a study break, I ate ice cream.

I was never detoured by the 20 degree temperature or the blizzard warnings. I gained 20 pounds in about five months and carried it with me for many years.

Once I had my children and started eating better, I realized that I still used food as a reward for myself. I remember one night congratulating myself for getting through a particularly difficult day which involved a plumber, kitchen utensils, and a surprise visit from the local firefighters.

My reward was my favorite coconut cream pie. But after devouring the pie, I did not feel more successful, or more beautiful, or more satisfied with my efforts that day. I just felt stuffed full of pie. Ugh!

I discussed this with my husband, and realized that food is not a reward. When we considered alternative rewards, a sticker book didn’t have quite the same cache for me as it did for my three year old. I was better rewarded with a back massage, or by reading a book that had more than ten pages, small text, and no large color illustrations.

The list of rewards became longer, with none of them being food. Most of them revolved around time for myself. I found my rewards could be as simple as a crossword puzzle, enjoying a book or magazine, or writing in a journal. But none of these rewards ever happened in the kitchen or near food.

Make a quick list of non-food rewards for yourself. Post it in your kitchen and refer to it every time you want to celebrate your accomplishments.

For my children, I also made a decision that food is not a reward. When they first came with me to the grocery store, it was easiest to let them sit in the cart and eat a cookie. They were happy and quiet until they finished, at which time they proceeded to use me as a human napkin. I found myself in the middle of the pasta aisle with crumbs on my shirt and three children screaming for more cookies.

I don’t seem to have my best moments in the grocery store.

Now I bring a toy for my youngest to play with and my other two kids help me pick out our food. Invariably, my youngest wants to join the fun and help with the shopping. He consistently becomes physically attached to some food item, holding it for the rest of the day. Once I brought him to a checkup at the pediatrician’s office while he was clutching a bag of coconut. The doctor bought my story that my son did not actually eat the coconut, but just liked the squishy blue bag. At least my son was not holding a tin of caviar.

When my kids do something that deserves recognition, they are rewarded with something that is not food. They get hugs, kisses, stickers, note pads, markers, or play dough. Much more exciting than using food as a reward.

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